I had a bit of an epiphany this weekend.
My wife and I went to Piedmont Park yesterday morning to participate in the Wings for Life World Run. We have only been to the park twice before and only know about the parking deck. This event was on the opposite side of the park and the maps didn’t show any parking lots. We didn’t know we could park on the street. So we walked from the parking lot through the park, around the lake, and to the place we needed to be to start the 1K “run”.
Between all of that walking and our trip through Kroger afterward, my wife’s Fitbit said we had logged over three and a half miles. And that was in only a span of a few hours. I walked more in just a few hours than I usually do in three or four days. And I really didn’t have any problem doing it.
Now, the Alectinib I’m on is known for causing fatigue, especially in the legs. If you’ve read this blog before, you know that sometimes my legs feel like they’re as sturdy as wet noodles and sometimes they feel like they’re filled with lead. Yesterday I had next to no problem. After the walk across the park and then the 1K, I found a bench by the starting line and took a short break while pictures were taken. When we left, I walked back to the car with no problem.
While I like to blame all of my lethargy on taking chemo pills that cause fatigue, I realized last night that while it’s true, it’s not the cause of all of it. I admitted to myself that a lot of my problem is the fact that I’ve been a generally lazy, lethargic person since around the time I became a teenager. And I need to knock it off.
Usually during lunch, I’ll kick back with my feet on my desk, eat a sandwich or some delicious leftovers, and read the news and / or play games or mess around on social media. Today I ate, then went outside and walked around for fifteen minutes. Getting quickly bored and feeling the fatigue kick in, I started playing kick-the-can with pine cones that were laying in my path. That fifteen minutes went by so fast I wanted to keep going. It felt good working my legs, pretending I was playing soccer.
I think I’ll buy a soccer ball.
I need to work through this barrier I’ve created for myself. I need to quit telling myself I can’t do anything anymore. I need to get back on my feet and get myself moving. I need to find a reason to walk. I need a distraction while I’m walking to take my mind off of what my legs are trying to convince me to do. I need to explore.
Will I change? I need to.